Feeling My Age

When I was a teenager, I had such a baby-face that I would never have been able to use a fake i.d., even to get into an R-rated movie. People used to say I'd appreciate looking young someday, and guess what? They were right! I love when people think I'm in my 20s now that I'm happily in my 40s. But just because I look young doesn't mean I feel young. Sometimes it is clear that I am old. Very old. Ancient, if you ask my kids.

Case in point, the B96 Summer Bash concert.

Ludacris, T-Pain, Jason Derulo, B.O.B, New Boys, and others. If you have no idea who I'm talking about, don't feel bad. I wouldn't know either if my daughter didn't take over my car radio every time she rides shotgun. I took my daughter and her friend to this concert on Saturday, and while they loved it, and I loved watching them love it, I was entertained by so many things other than the music.

Perhaps you might someday accompany a teen to a similar concert. If so, do not fear! I have some helpful tips to help you get through the night.

1. Remember to bring your earplugs. While your teens would rather potentially go deaf than die of embarrassment with something as ridiculous as earplugs, you should feel free to protect your ears. After all, you're a parent. Embarrassing your teen is part of the job description.

2. Don't make assumptions. Just because half the audience is dressed like strippers and hookers, it doesn't mean they are. And those guys with their pants so low it's a wonder they're staying up? They aren't necessarily hoodlums. Relax, these are just the fashions.

3. Don't be too relaxed. If your teen daughter goes to the bathroom by herself, she just might be offered drugs. Be thankful you've taught her to say no!

4. Those audience members grinding on each other? Yes, it's okay to be disgusted. It's okay to wonder why these girls seem to have thrown away all the progress of the women's lib movement. Even if your teen pretends to think you are a complete nerd, your opinions actually matter to her, so go ahead and let her know that young women are so much more than objects for guys to rub up against.

5. You know how when you go to a concert and the band actually sings and plays all the instruments? Don't expect that here. This is all about the dj. The artists will be singing/rapping along to their recordings. It's kind of like karaoke. But not. Have faith that your teen will someday see a real concert with real musicians. For now, let her squeal and dance and sing along the way crazed teen fans have been doing for decades. This is not the time to criticize.

6. Don't you squeal, sing, or dance! Please, you're a mom. Have some decency. Oh, and also? Don't drink alcohol. You're a role model, remember? You're the designated driver, too.

7. Last but not least, enjoy yourself. Take pictures of your daughter and her friend. Buy them a hotdog and a pretzel. And hug them at the end of the night, when their ears are ringing and their adrenaline is pumping, and they still remember to say thank you.